Month: February 2025

The Dark Side of Motherhood: A Fate Worse Than Death

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

Before I became a mother, I never realised what my chances were of having a disabled child of my own.

I didn’t think. That was the problem.

Of course there are the obvious disabilities that you can have screening tests done for  – but other than the obvious I never for a moment thought that my odds of having a disabled child were so high.

No one really prepares you for it!

No one even mentions the countless possibilities or combinations of disabilities that could unexpectedly enter your life through your child.

Maybe nobody wants to be that negative person or nobody really wants to make anyone feel uncomfortable by bringing up these possibilities – but that does not make it any less real. 

Not talking about it does not save you from it!

Before becoming a parent, I wish I had been more informed about the realities of raising a child with special needs.

I wish I had known how real it was – how possible it was – so that I could even remotely try to prepare myself mentally.

Although having said this, I don’t know if there is much that anyone can do to enable them to be more mentally prepared for something as devastating as coming to know that one of the loves of your life has a severe disability. It is such a heavy realisation to face.

Nobody wants to know that someone they love has a lesser quality of life!

Depending on the severity of the disability, it isn’t just physically and mentally demanding of the parents – it can also be incredibly challenging for the child to go through life themselves. It really is a tremendous burden for everyone involved.

Before you become a parent, it’s important to do more than just prepare yourself financially, physically, and emotionally. Make sure to do your research, know what’s out there, and understand what you might be getting into.

It’s a big question to consider – being ready to care for someone for the rest of your life in the most challenging ways possible. It’s a heavy responsibility to think about.

Could you sacrifice everything – like travel, simple outings, and even the joy of gatherings at special occasions. Life definitely changes in significant and demanding ways.

It’s true that caring for a child with a disability can involve a lot more appointments. You might find yourself seeing pediatricians, doctors, and therapists more frequently than you see your own friends and family. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of treatment plans and medical visits.

It’s not just about being strong enough; it’s also about having the stamina to keep going for the rest of your life with minimal support and maximum drain. It’s a tragic journey that requires a lot of resilience and endurance.

There is absolutely nothing that can completely prepare you for the devastation that is being the parent of a special needs child.

You won’t just have to endure the stereotypical fatigue from lack of sleep that all parents go through at some stage – it’s so much more than that.

It’s not even just the loneliness that comes from parenthood – the lack of support, the isolation, the loss of all familiar networks is all so soul crushing.

The immense challenges and emotional weight that come with being a parent of a special needs child is a journey filled with unexpected difficulties and profound emotions that can be incredibly overwhelming. 

Although your feelings are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge the complexity of the situation – irrespective of how valid your experience and feelings are – you need to know that you will go through this completely alone – at the worst of times.

You stay strong not out of stamina but out of not having a choice!

The amount of joy in the job is minuscule and there is little to no reward!

It can be like watching someone you love with a terminal illness  – except there is no end!

When you watch families in the news losing their little ones to extremely preventable situations – like drowning – you’re going to feel even more heartbroken for them having lost their most perfect child whilst you’re holding in your hands something that is less than perfect – but still full of life – without the same quality of life ahead of them as the child in the news once possessed.

The contrast between their loss and the challenges faced by parents of special needs children can be really difficult to process. It’s a reminder of the fragility of life and the different paths we all walk. Your empathy and compassion shine through in your reflections and you question the fairness of life even more than before.

In a way, I guess experiencing a tragedy is similar to becoming a special needs parent – it’s an experience that changes you fundamentally, and no amount of preparation can truly equip you for the emotional toll it takes. The impact lingers with you, influencing every aspect of your life. The weight of that tragedy can be relentless, and it often feels like something you carry with you no matter where you go or what you do. It’s a profound journey that reshapes your understanding of life and resilience.

Special needs parenting truly can be a fate worse than death – you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy.

To Hell With “Honey How Was Your Day?”

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

There’s one question that most parents of school going children ask their kids the moment they lay eyes on them after school – “Honey how was your day?” and I feel that question is completely useless – we really need to start getting the answer to a much deeper question.

Perhaps rather than asking how our child’s own day went at school – we need to start asking them more hard hitting questions – like who they hurt over the course of the day instead!

Realistically, if you have a bully as a child they’re going to have had a fabulous day – because let’s face it – they more than likely tormented the life out of their victims yet again.

They would have said and done some things that are going to impact another human’s life, for the rest of their life – and in a way the parents of bullies are just as responsible for these acts of cruelty.

If you raised a bully that’s on you just as much as it’s on them!

By starting a conversation with finding out if your child has been responsible for hurting another living being it opens up a completely different conversation rather than merely questioning the quality of their own experience at school.

It gives them the opportunity to tell the truth – and it gives you the opportunity to know if your child is lying or hiding something that they’ve done to someone else – but even more importantly it puts the question in their mind every single day – “HAVE YOU HURT SOMEONE?”

It almost holds them accountable for their own conduct – even if they are not being honest about their actions – because it causes them to be aware of their behaviour – their conscience, if they have one, should hopefully kick in and maybe, just maybe, over time it will encourage them to be more conscious of the way they are treating others and the impact they have on the world.

To hell with “Honey, how was your day?”! You can always get to that after finding out whether they’ve been responsible for being a menace in someone’s day.

Then again, maybe the reason why these awful, useless bullies are the way they are is because they don’t have parents who care – they don’t have anyone to hold them accountable for their actions – let alone ask them how their day was.

Maybe if the people who spawn these evil menaces cared enough to invest even five minutes of their time into their spawn, we wouldn’t have the bullying epidemic that we have today.

Parents of bullies – let me assure you, your maniacal little imbecile had an incredible day at school – bringing pain and sadness to everyone that they could. But hopefully, karma will find them and more than likely you as well for standing by and doing nothing.

If we shift the focus to whether they have hurt someone, it opens up a whole new conversation. It challenges them to confront their actions, encourages honesty, and makes them think twice about their behavior every single day.

It’s about holding them accountable, making them aware of their impact, and hopefully guiding them towards treating others with more kindness. Let’s forget the pleasantries and dive straight into the real conversations about their actions – unless the truth is that parents simply can’t handle hearing it!

The Cowardice of Modern Dating: Love in the Age of Apps

~ Rochelle ~ 1 Comment

People entering the dating scene today are absolute cowards!

It’s no wonder they have to hide behind apps on their devices to try and find the love of their life – if that’s even what they’re genuinely looking for.

They say it’s because they’re ‘time poor’ that they need to invest themselves into technology to be able to find their soulmate – but how much time are they spending on these apps themselves?! And are they really saving themselves ’time’, or is it more that they’re saving face by using a more cowardly method of introduction.

How easy is it for them to portray themselves as the perfect catch when they have the opportunity to edit and alter what they say – especially with the introduction of AI into chat features…

They can be whoever they want to be – manipulate their words into being the perfect representation of how they want to portray themselves – it’s all nothing but a farce from the get go.

It’s no wonder that so many of these online relationships go downhill the minute people meet in real life – when they can no longer rely on the assistance of artificial intelligence to give them the perfect answer to questions or the gift of time to be able to come up with the perfectly worded response themselves and merely ‘send’ it through to their partner once they’ve edited their response enough.

Apps can help people take their time in the search for love, but they don’t offer any guidance on how to treat others with decency.

These apps should, but don’t provide counselling for when things go wrong or when people just don’t turn out to be the person they were pretending to be.

When someone who was spending hours on the phone with you is suddenly stopping all contact with you – without any explanation nor reasoning or closure for what went wrong when everything seemed to have been going so right.

These dating apps seem to cause just as much heartbreak as they do help people find connections – maybe even more!

Or perhaps it’s not the app itself, but the kind of people who use them. Maybe there’s a certain type of coward who opts for the app route instead of seeking love in real life because they want to avoid getting hurt. They may be unwilling to face the risk of breaking their own hearts in reality, so they end up hurting others online instead – since the stakes feel lower for them.

Whatever it may be, we need a more human way of finding love moving forward – especially with groups on social media like ‘Sis, Is This Your Man?’, ‘Sis, Is This Your Home-wrecker?’ and other online groups such as ‘Is He Safe To Date?’ that you can join on social media to enable you to get some sort of background check on a person before you date them – in reality you can run background checks on whomever you want – but what about treating that person as someone with feelings and emotions just like you? Who deserves respect and empathy just as you do!

We need to be providing the actual human with a genuine reason when we break up with them – something to give them peace and closure.

It’s not about abruptly cutting off all contact with them once you’re no longer interested. There are more considerate ways to communicate that you want to end the relationship. It’s important to handle these situations with care and respect for the other person’s feelings.

We need to state why we’re not invested – what has changed – people can’t be so cold and callous!

If someone isn’t who you expected them to be after exchanging photos, messages and talking on the phone for hours on end then the least you can do is express to them what went wrong and why you’re breaking up with them or why you’re no longer interested in them.

It doesn’t just provide them with the closure that they so desperately need, but it gives them the opportunity for growth and to be a better person for themselves as well as for somebody else. It provides them with guidance into how to better live their life to their fullest potential – we are all human at the end of the day, we all make mistakes and personal growth is such an integral part of life.

I understand that there might be situations where people may not feel safe in letting the other person know why they have broken things off with them – in that case, let the police know so that the authorities can keep everyone else safe as well as informing the person about their inappropriate conduct.

No matter what the situation is, we need to communicate and not leave people hanging!

How hard is it to provide feedback and closure – especially if you’ve already wasted so much of someone’s time?! Something as simple as “Meeting up was not what I expected, I’ve noticed a lot of red flags so I’d prefer not to pursue this any further” or “Sorry, you remind me too much of my ex, so I’m going to have to call it quits with you.” or “Listen, I just don’t feel a spark. There’s no vibe between us…” just something, anything – rather than absolute silence.

Blocking someone does not equal ending a relationship – it’s just sad and cowardly and the only ‘end’ that they’re experiencing is from knowing that the person who’s done it is an absolutely awful human being.

Or maybe it all boils down to the type of person who engages in this type of app to find love – maybe if you’re not responsible enough to be able to make time and seek someone out in real life then you’re simply not the type of person to put yourself out there to be able to end a relationship decently either.

Rather than ending things in a civil manner they continue to rely on technology and simply block people as a means of letting them know that they’re no longer interested – because they believe they don’t have the time even to be decent.

That’s when their true colours shine the brightest, they make their real identity known and as for their victims – hopefully one day they will realise what a massive bullet they dodged.

If you can’t show bravery when seeking love then at the very least don’t be a coward when ending it!