Month: April 2025

WARNING: Do NOT Feed The Narcissist!

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

We fed the narcissist – completely unaware of the consequences. Nobody warned us – and we were too young to understand the dangers. We just knew that defying her meant facing a wrath we could not survive.

We enabled her – as did everyone who knew it was best for their own well-being. From family, to friends, to work colleagues – we all knew that to challenge her meant being ensnared in a web of lies, dragged down into her toxic world. Confrontation was never really an option, so we chose peace – a peace that stretched into decades.

But what happens when the narcissist gets sick? Hospitalized, her fabricated stories now target medical professionals. She claims to walk around her room, but the evidence tells a different story. The medical staff reveal her non-compliance with therapy, her refusal to engage with rehabilitation. Yet, she insists she walks unaided, even accusing the nurses of dropping her. 

It’s not just a matter of who you believe when your entire life has been shaped by her lies –  the medical professionals or the toxic narcissist… you’ve seen her twist words into weapons, turn family against family with a mere whisper for your entire life.

Now it’s a matter of breaking your own toxic cycle. Realising that you are safe and that you no longer need to play pretend enabling her evil behaviour – allowing her fabricated world to continue turning.

Easier said than done though – especially as you watch this person, once a towering figure of control, now frail and weakened in a hospital bed… relying on you for assistance, for support, to be there for them in their time of need – in a capacity that they have never in their lifetime been there for you. 

I can’t help but question if the narcissist would be in the same position she is in today if we had just confronted her in the beginning. If we had seen her web of lies for exactly what it was and instead of getting stuck in it – we simply stood up to it.

Would she still be as filled with delirium as what she is today if we had forced her out of the delusional state that she was in for so many decades? 

Maybe the difference between us is intention  – her intention was always to manipulate, to control, to bring harm – whereas ours was simply that of peace – of survival.

We saw what she could do to you if you weren’t obedient and we didn’t want to be hated the way anyone was who didn’t play along with her – and yet complying with her delusional state never enabled us to be loved by her anyway.

We gained nothing by remaining silent – nothing other than a breath of peace. For the most brief of moments she allowed us to feel happiness – until her next unrealistic demand came along… and once again she began playing one against the other, singling us out, isolating her only children from one another because as a team we would have been stronger against her.

And so, standing at the crossroads of a lifetime of manipulation and a newfound sense of self, a choice has to be made – do we continue enabling, offering comfort to the architect of so much pain, or do we finally break free, to speak the truth that has been suppressed for so long. It is a battle between ingrained habit and the desperate longing for ‘freedom’ – a word that I wear on a chain around my neck to remind myself how far I have come.

A decision has to be made, a commitment to oneself to step out of the shadows of the narcissist’s control. It won’t be easy, the guilt and fear are formidable opponents, but the first step has been taken. A path towards healing, towards reclaiming a life that had been dimmed for far too long, has finally begun… or at least it’s what I’m hoping for – without having to wait for her to take her last breath for us to finally be free.

If I could go back in time, I would warn my younger self not to feed the narcissist because if I do, then eventually she will end up consuming you entirely.

Although she’s in hospital, we can’t tell the difference between her normal state of evil, toxic, menacing delusion – and her medical state of delirium – because we fed the narcissist… when we should have let it starve.

The Darkness to Their Light

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

My daughter is a child – first and foremost she is my child – and therefore I should extend more understanding towards the situation than what I am… however I am nothing like her and I just can’t give her that grace.

She’s so naive – not more naive than anyone else of her age and nature, but unbelievably trusting, so filled with hope, and always seeing the best in people – even when dealing with others who are nothing but the absolute scum of the Earth.

She still trusts them.

She still gives them a chance.

Nobody likes you because of your ‘disorders’? My daughter will be your friend.

Nobody likes you because of all of your ‘personal problems’? My daughter will STILL be your friend.

Nobody likes you because you’re new to the school? Not only will my daughter be your friend, but she will make you feel so very welcomed.

This is her downfall!

She is excessively trusting. She only sees the good in people. She will be your friend even if you are a rubbish human being.

So what do you get in return when you extend yourself to people who you should never have been extending yourself to?

You end up with FAKE friends – or even worse – USERS!

People who only associate with you to see how you can benefit their lives.

Two-faced creatures who do nothing but drain all of your energy and talk about you behind your back.

The type of fake friends who will see you being threatened by your bullies and rather than stick up for you, they befriend your bully – all whilst claiming it’s because they want to preserve themselves and not get beaten up alongside you.

They are nothing but bystanders in life – and they will never amount to anything more than that.

The worst part is they’re not even like your bullies – the strange thing about bullies is that they are willing to communicate with you and tell you exactly what you’ve done or what it is about you that they hate the most.

Whereas these snakes that call themselves her friends, her acquaintances, her associates – when they are asked what she’s done wrong to cause them to treat her as badly as what they treat her – they merely walk off.

They tell her that they’re not going to include her in a conversation because possibly she doesn’t share those same interests – without even finding out first whether or not she’s interested in a particular subject.

They will exclude her, walk away from her, remove her as a friend on social media – and then tell her that their actions is an “answer” – without ever providing a reason as to what caused the fallout.

No closure is given.

She’s just left to question what could have possibly gone wrong to end a friendship like that…

As a mother, I could tell her that it ended in that way because there never was any real friendship there to begin with.

She was being used for what she could give them.

She was being used because it was convenient for them at the time.

Revoltingly she was even being used racially as they explained to her that she could be the coloured person in their group – they would call her the “darkness to their light”, in reference to her skin tone being darker than their own.

They hate her because she’s a good person.

They can’t manipulate her and force her to vape or do anything unsavoury which would put her or anyone for that matter in a compromising position.

They hate her because as much as she is a trusting person she will not do anything that is inappropriate.

They hate her because they can’t drag her down to their level.

As much as it hurts my heart that she gives people like this a chance, that she overextended herself to include everyone, to trust everyone, to give everyone a chance – it also fills my heart to know that the reason why they hate her is practically the same thing that frustrates me about her:

She is a pure, decent, human being. That is a representation of everything good in this world, of everything good in this lifetime. She is the exact opposite of me and my only wish is that there were more people like her in the world to balance out the deceitfulness, the deviousness of everybody else around her.

Perhaps if we had more people like her, she would be able to find someone to call a true friend, opposed to being surrounded by the most deceptive of creatures.

Are All Curry Mothers This Vile?

~ Rochelle ~ 1 Comment

Why is there such a vast difference when it comes to the way a daughter is treated in comparison to a son – especially in a Sri Lankan household?!

Are all curry mothers just this vile? 

Do all curry mothers just simply worship the ground that their sons walk on – all whilst treating their daughters like absolute garbage?!

I think what hurts the most is the way that my mother not only treats me as though I am second-best when it comes to my brother and myself – but the way that she now accepts and  showers love on my brother’s new girlfriend.

And it’s not just love – it’s the financial freedom that my brother and his girlfriend are so very blessed with as well.

When I was still living at home, there is no chance in hell that I would be permitted to use a cent of my mother’s money for anything that I needed – especially once I had a job.

Not food, not groceries and most certainly not clothing or anything luxurious.

Yet here I am watching on as my mother financially supports my 33 year old brother and his new girlfriend on their shopping extravaganzas – all whilst he holds down a full-time job.

It feels as though it’s a cultural thing – where my mother feels obligated to shower her son and his girlfriend with whatever they need.

Or maybe it’s just a ‘black sheep’ of the family thing – something that my brother is privy to because he was always wanted, the perfect golden child… whereas I wasn’t, more than likely, because I am female and completely unwanted.

On one hand, I am falling down a steep spiral of jealousy as I watch my mother doing this for my brother – and yet on the other hand I keep reminding myself that at least I can hold my head up high knowing that I didn’t have this luxury extended to myself or my husband.

I can’t help but question though – what is wrong with me? How could she never have cared about me in that way? I was so desperate for clarity that I even tested her just the other day to see if anything had changed… I told her that I was hungry… and asked her if she would please buy me some food… and she abused me for asking… I wish I hadn’t have tested her in that way especially when deep down inside I knew what the answer would have been… I know that in reality I am no one and nothing to her…

Realistically, I feel so stupid for even asking, but part of me just had to know if anything had changed over the years. If she was just waiting for me to extend myself and ask for help… but she wasn’t.

Unconditional love, financial freedom and unwavering support are the luxuries reserved only for my mother‘s son.

My maternal grandmother used to always say “you can’t close one eye and open the other” – this was something that she used to say when it came to treating children equally… not that she had the right to say this considering she was just as guilty of being equally as cruel.

And therein lies the answer to how this could have all unfolded – it’s a generational curse which has been handed down from mother to child from my grandmother to my mother – and I wonder how far back it goes… all whilst praying to God that I don’t do this to my own children.

As happy as I am for my brother and his girlfriend, I am also deeply, soulfully crushed as I mourn the life and love that could have been for myself – if only I had been born a boy.

I Should Have Drowned You At Birth

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

“I should have drowned you at birth” a mother told her extremely young child.

The child was too young to fully understand the concept of drowning and death so she just looked up at her mother, pretending to make sense of what she was saying.

As the years grew, so too did the description of the mother’s vile sentence.

“When my friend gave me a laundry bucket as a gift when you were born, I should have drowned you in it. Nobody would have ever blamed me!” There were so many words this time that the child was somewhat amused.

She looked at her mother, picturing a baby in a bucket splashing around and it reminded her of her favourite movie at the time – “Dumbo”… she tried as hard as she could not to giggle at the thoughts in her head, but ultimately a few would escape her lips, sending her mother into an even wilder fury.

By the time the child was a teenager the sentence added far more description and accusations, but had less of a storyline.

“You’re a s**t. You will never amount to anything. I should have drowned you when I had the chance”.

The once innocent child, now teenager, understood every painful word. There was no longer any daydreaming and replacing the hurt with amusing childish thoughts. She was too old for that, yet too young to understand the depth of the situation.

In reality there is nothing any child could ever do that is so wrong to have these words imposed on them. However the child carried it with her every day of her life.

It was only once she reached adulthood and became a mother herself that she realised her worth.

Becoming a mother freed her soul and opened her eyes. Because no child is worthless, useless, and no living being deserves to constantly hear that they would be better off dead.

She still sees her mother, unfortunately, on the odd occasion as there is no escaping that, but there is a new ploy her mother enjoys to taunt her with…

The mother, now a grandmother, insists on having her grandchildren call her “Mummy”. It is written on every birthday and Christmas card. And when her grandchildren call their mother “Mummy” she corrects them saying “no, I am your Mummy… but this is something to share with you another day…

Please be kind with your words towards your children, the way you speak to them will have an influence on them for the rest of their lives.

Your Relationship Is The Reason Why ALL Schools Have Gone To S**t!

~ Rochelle ~ 1 Comment

It’s time to own it – the way you entertain your toxic relationship in front of your children is the very reason why all schools are enduring a bullying pandemic – globally.

Obviously, I’m not saying that all relationships are perfect – we all have our ups and downs – but it’s the way we choose to handle those good and bad times that directly impacts our children.

We all know how sponge like our little ones are from the time they’re born and how they just absorb all of their surroundings – whether we like it or not.

Right now they’re absorbing the most toxic of home environments and they’re replaying them as often as they can with as many different people as they can from the very minute they hit school grounds.

They want to inflict as much pain as their caregivers inflict on one another – and the worst part is it’s not just the physical violence that we’re seeing an increase of.

It’s all those sick mind games as well!

Our kids are going to school having nothing else better to do than Gaslight the hell out of everyone they can – they aren’t there to gain an education whatsoever!

Does this sound familiar:

A group of so-called “friends” will intentionally isolate and ignore one person from their group. Or they will spread rumours about one particular person just for the sake of it.

Then, when that one person finds out and they display signs of withdrawal or show that they’re hurt in anyway – the toxic person or people reach out and ask them ‘what’s wrong’.

The victim is blamed – the toxic person claims that the person who has been isolated is becoming distant all of a sudden – even though they are being ‘distant’ because of the way they are being treated.

These toxic teenagers play the worst kind of mind games – they pretend that nothing is going on – all the while doing everything in their power to destroy the lives of other people.

All whilst continuing to ask the victim “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Is everything alright? You can tell me anything. I just want to be there for you.”

They’re watching their own caregivers gaslight one another, hurt one another, make each other feel as though they’re going completely crazy – then they take this sick ability of theirs – and they unleashed on the most innocent and unsuspecting of people.

It’s the most vicious cycle I have ever seen.

We are breeding, creating, spawning the most evil and toxic of children – then we don’t want the education system to have any power in redirecting the toxicity within these children – in fact when bullying is flagged the school will intervene and usually councils the victim of the bullying – they never try to rehabilitate the toxic student. Once the caregivers find out about what’s going on at school with their spawn from hell – they do nothing – because they’re too busy in their own lives – fighting their own Demons – trying to hold their head above water whilst their partner is dragging them down…

Maybe if the caregiver’s partner was redirected as a child when they were displaying this vicious, toxic behaviour – they wouldn’t have grown to be such an evil adult – who then spawned an equally evil child – who then goes to school only to destroy the most beautiful of children – who will then themselves grow into an adult and destroy the life of their partner as well… of course in front of the eyes of their once innocent child.

And so the cycle continues…

It is completely your fault that bullying is out of control in all schools across the globe!

It is in your power to do whatever you can to not expose your innocent child to the toxicity of your partner!

You can teach your child right from wrong by standing up for yourself – and not forcing the world to be dragged down the way you are being dragged down in your own relationship!

The toxic dynamics within our personal relationships are not just a minor issue, they are a breeding ground for the next generation of bullies. Children absorb everything, and when they witness manipulation and cruelty at home, they carry that poison into their schools and friendships. Caregivers need to wake up and realise that their behavior is shaping a future filled with emotional predators. 

If we don’t take a long hard look at our own actions and change our ways, we’re dooming our kids to repeat this vicious cycle. The responsibility is ours, and we must demand better from ourselves to ensure our children grow up valuing respect and empathy, rather than perpetuating the cycle of toxicity. 

If we fail to act, we’re not just failing them, we’re enabling a generation of heartless individuals.