Why Blanket Statements Like This Do More Harm Than Good — Especially When Narcissistic Abuse is Involved

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I still can’t believe this happened.

My mum is in hospital. And a social worker — who has spent all of five minutes with her — had the audacity to say:

“They should care for you. You’re their mum.”

Take a moment to think about that.

This person has absolutely no idea of the years of emotional manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation, and cruelty that woman has put us through. But because she happens to be someone’s mum, suddenly we’re supposed to drop everything and become her caregivers?

No. Just no.

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Not Every Parent is a Good Parent

We grow up being told to respect our parents. To love them unconditionally. But what if they’re the very people who broke us?

My mum is a narcissist. Not just someone who’s a bit selfish — a true narcissist. Someone who has used guilt, control, and emotional blackmail like tools of war. She’s harmed relationships, destroyed confidence, and made everything about her, always.

So when a social worker — a professional who should know better — says something like that, it’s not just ignorant. It’s harmful.

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What That Statement Actually Does

That one sentence invalidates years of pain. It erases trauma. It says to the abused: “None of that matters. Blood trumps everything.”

Well, I’m here to say it doesn’t.

Blood is not a free pass to abuse people and still expect loyalty.

Social workers, nurses, anyone in a caring profession: you need to stop and think before you speak. Statements like “you should care for her, she’s your mum” pile guilt onto people who already carry the weight of years of survival.

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This is Why People Stay Silent

This is why survivors of family trauma don’t speak up. Because when they do, someone — often someone in authority — gaslights them all over again. Maybe unintentionally, but the damage is the same.

Instead of asking, “Why aren’t you caring for her?”, how about asking, “What’s your relationship like? How are you coping?”

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We Don’t Owe Abusers Our Time or Our Sanity

I will not apologise for protecting my peace.

I will not apologise for setting boundaries.

And I certainly won’t be guilt-tripped into pretending someone was a loving mother when they weren’t.

To anyone else who’s had to make the heartbreaking decision to step back from a toxic parent — I see you. You are not selfish. You are brave.

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