life

No Flowers at the Gate: What Silence Says When a Child Is Gone

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

When a School Forgets, the Pain Echoes Louder

There were no flowers tied to the school gates.

No ribbons.

No teddy bears.

No candles.

No cards.

No signs of heartbreak.

No signs that a child—one of their own—had just disappeared forever.

If this was truly unexpected… where is the shock?

If this was truly an accident… where is the devastation?

What we see instead is silence. An eerie, telling silence that speaks volumes about what this community really feels—and what it doesn’t.

⸻

The Hidden Cost of Protecting Bullies

This student—bright, fragile, kind—was hidden away from regular classes “for her own protection.” Her attendance faded. Her light dimmed. She was removed from classrooms rather than removing the ones tormenting her. She was made invisible, as though her pain was inconvenient.

The bullies? They stayed. They were allowed to learn, laugh, exist—untouched.

The school didn’t teach accountability. It taught cruelty a safe place to thrive. It showed the entire student body that if you push hard enough, we won’t protect the victim—we’ll erase them. Quietly. Without fuss. Without justice.

And now they’ve erased her completely.

⸻

No Signs of Grief, No Symbols of Shock

In the wake of any true tragedy—especially the sudden, accidental death of a child—you expect to see a community shaken to its core. You expect flowers. Cards. Mourning students clustered at the gates. A ripple of grief that cannot be contained.

But here? There’s nothing.

Not a single child has tied a ribbon.

Not a single tribute stands at the place where she once walked.

This isn’t just silence. It’s willful erasure. It’s guilt. It’s complicity.

Because deep down, they all know.

They know what she endured.

They know how many years she was targeted, pushed, alienated.

They know what they said to her—and what they didn’t say when it mattered.

They know what kind of school culture allowed this to happen.

So there are no flowers. Because that would mean facing it.

And facing it would mean admitting they were part of it.

⸻

What Are We Really Teaching Our Children?

The message is loud and clear:

If you are cruel enough, the school will protect you.

If you are suffering, we will hide you—then forget you.

This is not just a tragedy. It is a teaching moment lost. A warning silenced. A life erased without consequence.

What the school is doing now—brushing it under the rug, refusing to speak her name, pretending nothing happened—is the same thing they did when she was alive. Deny. Minimize. Move on.

But the pain lingers. The questions remain. The truth doesn’t go away.

⸻

Silence Isn’t Respect—It’s Evasion

Some say we should respect her memory by not asking questions.

But how can you respect someone’s memory if you won’t even acknowledge their pain?

How do you honor a life while pretending the cruelty that shadowed it never happened?

This isn’t respect. It’s fear.

It’s fear of accountability.

It’s fear of confronting the toxic culture that was allowed to flourish under their watch.

And that fear has cost a life.

Let this not be another forgotten name.

Let this silence not be the final word.

⸻

The Lesson Behind a Tragedy: When We Don’t Listen, We Lose More Than a Child

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

A reflection on grief, silence, and what happens when we look away for too long

⸻

A Devastating Loss, and a Divided Grief

Recently, a young girl lost her life — suddenly, tragically. Her parents believe firmly that it was an accident. Out of deep respect for their grief, their wishes must be honored. They deserve peace, and their daughter deserves dignity.

But grief has many faces. And for those who loved her, who knew her quiet pain, the tragedy feels layered… and unbearably familiar.

⸻

The Unspoken History

Before her death, this girl had not attended school for weeks — possibly months. She had faced years of ongoing bullying, starting in primary school and tragically continuing into high school. The very same bullies followed her into a new chapter of life and made sure she carried the trauma with her.

She withdrew. From school. From friendships. From the joy that should have belonged to her youth.

Friends recall messages — raw, confessional — about suicidal thoughts. She told people she didn’t want to be here anymore. She was told to kill herself. Her absence from school wasn’t about laziness or disinterest — it was fear. It was emotional exhaustion. It was a desperate attempt to escape cruelty.

⸻

Respecting the Family, While Also Respecting the Truth

This article isn’t meant to point fingers or assign blame. The family has stated that this was an accident. That must be heard.

But so must the rest.

To deny the bullying — to erase it from the story entirely — is to erase years of pain. It sends a dangerous message to every child who has ever felt the same. It makes the others feel unseen. And it lets those who inflicted that pain walk away without reflection, responsibility, or change.

⸻

What Happens When We Pretend It’s Not Real?

When we strip bullying out of the conversation after a tragedy, we do more than protect reputations. We protect the problem.

We raise children who learn that cruelty is consequence-free. We raise systems that respond to crisis only when it becomes unignorable. And we leave grieving friends — like my daughter — to wrestle with impossible questions:

“Why did no one stop this?”

“Why is everyone acting like this had nothing to do with it?”

“Why did her mum tell me not to let the bullies win… and then say it was just an accident?”

That contradiction is what breaks the heart open again and again. It’s not about blame — it’s about integrity.

⸻

The Real Lesson We Can’t Afford to Miss

The lesson here isn’t to point at the past and burn it down. It’s to illuminate it. To say, loudly:

• Children don’t lie about being bullied.

• School refusal is not a character flaw — it’s often a trauma response.

• When kids tell us they’re scared, or thinking about ending their lives — we must believe them.

• And when someone is lost, we must examine the full truth. Not just the parts that feel easiest to manage.

⸻

Honouring Her by Changing What Must Be Changed

This beautiful, gentle girl should never have had to carry such a heavy burden. The lesson behind her death — whatever the cause — is not just that life is fragile.

It’s that we have to do better.

We owe it to her. To every student who suffers in silence. To every family who shouldn’t have to wonder if a child’s life could have been saved by compassion, early intervention, and accountability.

⸻

Keep Your Condolences — They Mean Nothing Without Courage

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

When grief becomes performative, silence is more honest.

It’s a strange kind of cruelty — offering your condolences with one hand, and turning your back with the other.

My daughter received a message — soft, kind, sorrowful — from someone who used to be her friend. Someone who had once laughed with her, and more recently, laughed at her. Someone who once knew her inside out, and now won’t even stand beside her in the hallway.

This girl messaged my daughter after the death of her best friend. She offered condolences. Words of comfort. A digital candle in the storm.

And when my daughter — raw, grieving, desperate for connection — said, “Can we please rebuild our friendship?”

She was met with silence.

⸻

You don’t get to break someone, then pretend to care when they’re shattered.

No.

Worse than no.

Nothing.

Ghosted. Erased. Forgotten again.

Because some people only want to be seen grieving, not actually feel it — not sit in it, not show up for the ones left behind.

The silence screamed louder than any message. And the grief? It got heavier.

You don’t get to offer your sympathy, pose as the wounded soul, and then bolt the moment someone needs you. If you do, then your sympathy was never real. It was a mirror for yourself — not a light for someone else.

⸻

Friendship doesn’t end at the funeral gates.

True friendship doesn’t dissolve under pressure. It doesn’t hide when the moment is hard.

It doesn’t vanish when someone asks for warmth.

You can’t send your “I’m so sorry for your loss” texts and then vanish when someone asks for human connection. That’s not kindness — that’s cowardice.

And to those who perform compassion while refusing to practice it — let me tell you something painful:

Your fake condolences are more hurtful than saying nothing at all.

Because pretending to care is not harmless.

It’s another form of emotional abandonment — and sometimes, it hurts just as much as the loss.

⸻

🕊 A Message From My Heart — About the Recent Tragedy, the School’s Email, and What I Truly Meant 🕊

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment
Screenshot

I never imagined I’d be writing something like this – especially not after something so heartbreaking.

As many of you know, a local teenage girl recently passed away. A beautiful soul – gone far too soon.

In the midst of deep grief, I made a private post in a mums’ group. I didn’t mention any names. I didn’t mention the school. I never claimed to know exactly what happened. I simply expressed what many others were already quietly wondering – whether long-standing, well-known bullying could have played a role.

Because the truth is – this young girl had not attended school for weeks, possibly months. She had been severely bullied for years, by the same students, all the way from primary into high school.

And yes – there are text messages that clearly referenced painful thoughts. (These are now known and will be passed to the appropriate people.)

So no –  it was never my intention to spread misinformation or make accusations.

It was never about blame.

It was about grief. Shock. Patterns too painful to ignore.

What truly confused and shook my daughter – and many others – was a message she received from the girl’s mother shortly after her death:

“Don’t let the bullies win.”

That one sentence has been echoing in our home.

But now, we are told by the school and others that this was simply a tragic accident – and had nothing to do with bullying.

And I want to say: I hear that. I accept that. And if this was a complete and unrelated tragedy, then I am truly, genuinely sorry for ever implying otherwise.

But I also want to say this…

⸻

The School’s Email Felt Like a Public Shaming

Today, the school issued an email that referred to my post, stating it made “incorrect claims” and was “not factual.”

Let me be very clear:

  • I never claimed to know the full truth.
  • I never identified the child, the school, or any individuals.
  • I spoke from a place of concern, sadness, and compassion.

The fact that this email was sent to the entire parent community felt like a public attack on my character, as if I had maliciously spread lies – which I did not.

And now, I’m being bullied – again – by the same group of mothers whose children have bullied my own daughter for years.

The irony and pain of this is not lost on me.

⸻

So, Here’s What I Want to Say

Before I receive any more hate…

Before I’m judged or blamed or shamed any further…

Let me raise my hands and say: I’m sorry.

I’m sorry if my post caused anyone more pain in an already heartbreaking time.

I’m sorry if it came across as insensitive – that was never, ever my intention.

I now understand that the family believes this tragedy was not related to bullying, and I respect that. And I will never speak over a grieving parent.

But please, understand that I am grieving too.

My daughter is grieving her friend.

And so many of us are just trying to make sense of a senseless loss.

The coincidences, the history, the silence – it all left us stunned. The emotion behind my post came from that space.

⸻

Let’s Remember Why This Hurts So Much

Because a child has died.

A beautiful child who should still be here.

Let’s not let our fear of being wrong make us cruel to those who are hurting.

Please – let’s lead with kindness. Let’s give one another the benefit of the doubt. Let’s protect our kids – and each other – with love, not control.

With sincerity and heartbreak,

Rochelle

You Mock My Daughter’s Face? Then You’re Exactly What’s Wrong With This World

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

The Envious Die Not Once, But As Often As The Envied Win Applause

Let’s not pretend anymore.

Let’s not sugar-coat cruelty with the words “kids will be kids.”

Let’s call this exactly what it is: violence.

Today, during a quiet school moment that should have been safe—a grade assembly—a girl decided it would be hilarious to mock my daughter’s face.

Yes.

Her face.

The one thing she can’t change.

The face I’ve kissed a thousand times. The face I adore.

This evil little creature, who’s been trailing my daughter since primary school like a bad smell, decided that it was her moment to shine. She contorted her face—mimicking, mocking, humiliating—in front of the entire Year 8 cohort.

To impress her five likeminded friends.

To get laughs.

To dehumanize my child.

Her actions didn’t stop there — next came her verbal assault:

“Look at her shoes—they look retarded.”

That’s what she said — it’s part of who she is as a person. That’s what a child raised by other humans thought was acceptable.

⸻

These Girls Aren’t Mean. They’re Monsters in Training.

Let me be very clear: this is not a phase. This is not a mistake.

This is cruelty.

This is violence.

This is premeditated emotional destruction.

And it didn’t stop there.

Another girl—from an entirely different toxic group of students—decided she would throw a pen at my daughter shortly after.

Two different packs of wolves.

One target.

This is pack mentality, and their only goal is to break her.

⸻

Don’t You Dare Say “It’s Just Kids Being Kids”

No. These are not harmless kids. These are bullies being raised by adults who model this behavior.

Because it’s not just in the school yard—it’s in their homes.

Parents who excuse it.

Parents who enable it.

Parents who make snide remarks about families like mine, because they assume we’re “better off.”

Because they see a child with nice shoes and decide that child deserves to be torn apart.

This isn’t about shoes. This is about jealousy.

This is about poverty of character.

⸻

Let’s Talk About Those Shoes, Shall We?

Powder pink Nike Shox.

A bold, iconic staple in the Nike brand.

Expensive. Well-loved. Desired.

If they’re so “hideous,” why are they flying off the shelves?

Why are they everywhere in the fashion scene?

Why are people lining up to buy them?

Because they’re not hideous.

Your insecurity is.

And those shoes?

They weren’t easy to afford.

They didn’t come from nowhere.

⸻

I Sacrifice So Much for My Children—And I’d Do It Again Tomorrow

I don’t spend my weekends getting my nails done.

I don’t splurge at the hair salon.

I don’t party or go clubbing or waste money on things that don’t matter.

You know what I do?

I sacrifice.

So I can give my children joy.

So I can see their eyes light up when they get something special.

So I can build them up in a world constantly trying to tear them down.

And then a pack of miserable, mean-spirited children tries to rip that joy away.

⸻

Bullies Don’t Just Happen. They’re Raised.

The comments we’ve already heard from their parents this year?

Unforgivable.

Things like:

“You wouldn’t understand where we’re coming from.”

“It must be nice to be you.”

“We’re just trying to get by.”

Translation?

“If someone seems to have more than us, let’s torment them for it.”

What kind of twisted logic is that?

You hate your own poverty so much, you attack a child for having a pair of shoes?

Let’s be real.

If you’re raising a child to hate others for having nice things, you’ve failed as a parent.

And if your child is bullying others for their face?

You’ve raised a monster.

⸻

Jealousy is a Mental Cancer

To the girl who threw the pen:

Your aim is weak, just like your character.

To the girl who mocked my daughter’s face:

You will never break her. You will never reach her level. You don’t even deserve to be in her presence.

And to the parents of these girls:

Do better.

Your children are proof that hate starts at home.

You don’t raise your kids. You program them to hate, and then let them loose in the world to hurt others.

But let this be known:

My daughter is not the weak one.

She’s the one walking away from your warzone with her head held high—and powder pink Nike Shox on her feet.

She will thrive.

Your daughters? They will rot in their own bitterness.

Even At The End, She Can’t Tell The Truth

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

Even in her final days, my mother chooses lies over love—and I’m left holding decades of heartbreak.

A Lifetime of Manipulation

From the moment I was old enough to recognise emotional manipulation, I saw it in my mother. She has always been a master of twisting narratives, of turning situations to suit her needs, and of denying her behavior while accusing others—especially me—of the very lies she tells. Growing up with a narcissistic parent is like walking through a minefield blindfolded. Just when you think you’re safe, something explodes.

And now, here we are. My mother is in the hospital, dying. A wound on her foot became infected—so severely that the infection entered her bone. Her body is giving out. But somehow, the manipulations continue.

⸻

Lies, Even Now

I recently received a message from her saying she had vomiting and diarrhoea. Concerned, I called the hospital. I wanted to know if there was a virus going around her ward, if it could be related to her infection, or—worst case—if it was a sign of sepsis. The nurse I spoke to was kind, but also confused.

“There’s been no vomiting. No diarrhoea,” she told me.

I thanked her and hung up, but the sting stayed. My mother lied to me. Again. About something so ridiculous, so pointless. And I still don’t understand why.

⸻

A Final Opportunity, Lost in Deceit

This should be a time for healing, for final moments filled with truth and forgiveness. But my mother—true to form—continues to weave her web of deceit, spinning stories for her medical team, for the family, and for me. She manipulates conversations, embellishes symptoms, plays the victim. And even now, facing the end, she clings to the same patterns that poisoned our relationship.

She has accused me of being the liar, the manipulator, the untrustworthy one, my entire life. But now the truth is bare. The lies were always hers. Still are.

⸻

Grieving the Mother I Never Had

I’m grieving, but not in the way people expect. I’m grieving the mother I never had. The nurturing, honest, stable presence I longed for. The kind of mother who might have used her final moments to say, “I’m sorry. I see you now.” Instead, I’m left with the weight of her fabrications, even as the machines beep beside her hospital bed.

Sadly this is not just about a woman dying. It’s about a lifetime of damage that never found a moment of repair. It’s about the pain of knowing that not even death can change some people.

⸻

Last Night, I Dreamt You K*lled Yourself

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

And then you told her twice, like it was something she needed to hear.

A Seed Planted in the Dark

She said it like it meant something—

“Last night, I dreamt you k*lled yourself.”

At first, it just sounded strange. Cruel, but strange.

But then she said it again.

On two separate occasions.

She looked her straight in the eyes and repeated it,

like she wanted it to stick.

Like she wanted her to believe it was already written.

Friends Don’t Plant Seeds Like That

This isn’t just about a dream.

It’s about a 14-year-old girl, sitting in a Year 8 classroom at a public school already drowning in a reputation for cruelty.

It’s about a girl trying to stay afloat while the people who should be beside her are holding her underwater.

The one who said she was her friend

was laughing behind her back with her bullies.

She said it was “just to keep them from bashing me.”

But that lie cracked wide open, and the truth fell out.

She wasn’t protecting herself.

She was orchestrating her pain.

The Ultimate Betrayal

What kind of friend casually tells you they dreamt you ended your life?

What kind of friend tells you twice?

What kind of friend watches your self-worth unravel and helps it along?

It wasn’t a dream.

It was a dagger.

And it was meant to land.

The worst part?

She planted a seed of suicide, right there—in a classroom, in whispers, in fake sympathy wrapped in manipulation.

She knew what she was doing.

And she did it anyway.

This Is What Bullying Looks Like

Not all wounds bleed.

Some are planted in the heart like a poison.

Slow, invisible, but just as deadly.

And in some schools—especially the ones where bullying thrives in the open and nothing is done—it happens every day.

If You See It, Say It. Don’t Be Silent.

Because someone’s dream shouldn’t become another family’s nightmare.

The Day I Became a Mother and Homeless

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

A Beautiful Beginning, and a Brutal Ending

Becoming a mother and becoming homeless on the same day is a reality few can fathom. One minute, I was cradling my newborn son—this perfect little bundle of warmth, love, and hope. The next, I was facing the cold reality that I had nowhere to go. No roof. No plan. No safety net for the most fragile moment of my life.

That was the day my mother kicked me out.

The Cost of Defiance

She did it the same day her first grandchild was born.

My husband and I were in our twenties. Grown, but still tethered to family expectations. Our love wasn’t the issue—permission was. And we knew we would never receive it. So we chose each other, and we chose our child, fully aware that it would come at a cost.

But we underestimated just how steep that cost would be.

A City With No Shelter

We searched tirelessly across Sydney for housing. Queue after queue, inspection after inspection, rejection after rejection. No one wanted to take a chance on us—too young, no credit history, no references. And then, in a hospital bed with my baby in my arms, my husband delivered the final blow: the Department of Housing had a ten-year waiting list.

That was the moment I truly understood fear. I’ve been held at gunpoint before, but nothing compares to the terror of not knowing how you will protect your child.

A Mother’s Love—Conditional

I’ve tried to make sense of it. Why did my mother cast me out when I needed her the most? Was it because I was pregnant out of wedlock? Because I disobeyed her wishes? I was still her daughter. I was carrying her grandson.

But all I received was shame. Disappointment. Rejection.

What I’ve never understood is this: why does a son deserve more love than a daughter?

History Repeating in Reverse

Sixteen years later, the pain remains. Especially now—watching history repeat, but in reverse.

My brother has a girlfriend. They’ve only been together a month. They’re not married. She isn’t pregnant. But my mother is happy to open her home and heart to her without hesitation. No lectures. No judgment. Just warmth and support.

Everything I needed and never received.

Mother’s Day: A Time for Silence

Mother’s Day is the hardest. The world tells us to honour our mothers with cards and gratitude. But what do you write to a woman who discarded you when you needed her most?

How do you express gratitude to someone who made your most fragile moment even more terrifying – who kicked you and your newborn baby out with nowhere to go?

I’ve considered telling her the truth. Pouring all my pain into a single letter. Telling her exactly what she’s done, how deeply she’s hurt me, how much her favoritism destroyed any hope of closeness. But I know how she would react.

She would turn it around. Call me stupid. Remind me of the money she spent on my private school education. Accuse me of being ungrateful, useless, a disappointment. She’s said it all before.

So instead, I stay silent. Or I write something generic, like people do in Christmas cards for people they barely know.

Maybe I’ll write something like: “Season’s greetings this Mother’s Day. Congratulations on birthing your son. I hope his girlfriend is everything you ever wanted in a daughter.”Maybe that’s as honest as I can be without inviting more pain.

“Best of luck with everything hopefully you don’t destroy your potential daughter-in-law in the same way that you destroyed me.”

“May you continue to move faster than your karma”  – now that’s a nice one, especially towards someone who has been nothing but cruel to their child for their entire life.

How about – “you kicked me out of home when I was most vulnerable with a newborn baby and absolutely nowhere to go – this Mother’s Day, and always, I hope you remember everything that you’ve put me through” – realistically it sounds so much better than saying something along the lines of “I hope the universe treats you as fairly as what you have treated me my entire life”… that wish although filled with sincerity would not go down very well.

The Truth I Carry

Maybe one day I’ll forgive her. Maybe I won’t.

But this is my truth:

I became a mother and lost a mother in the same breath.

And every year, on the second Sunday in May, I remember it all over again.

The First and Last Mother’s Day

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

When Love, Loss, or Survival Reshapes How We Honour Our Mothers

A Day That Means Many Things

Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, I find myself sitting with a mix of feelings—some warm, others sharp, many unspoken. It’s a day drenched in expectation and sentimentality, but for those of us with complicated histories, it often feels heavier than a bouquet of flowers can carry.

This year, I wanted to explore what Mother’s Day really means when your relationship with your mother isn’t simple or sweet—and how both the first and the last Mother’s Day can reveal more about us than we expect.

The First Mother’s Day: A Memory We Never Made

Our first Mother’s Day is really just a dream. A haze. None of us can truly remember it—what we wore, what we said, whether we made our mothers smile or feel special. We don’t remember if there were flowers or cards or the scent of breakfast being made in a chaotic kitchen.

And yet, we were there. Just babies in their arms.

At that point in life, there is no decision to be made. We love without thinking. We give ourselves over completely, because we have no choice. Whether our mothers deserved that love or not is another matter altogether.

In those early years, Mother’s Day isn’t for us—it’s for them. And no matter what kind of mother we had—kind, distant, nurturing, unpredictable—we were too small to choose anything different. We were their children, and that was that.

The Last Mother’s Day: The One That Stays With Us

But the last Mother’s Day—that’s something different.

That’s the one that stays with us.

That’s the one that asks something of us.

Some people don’t even know it’s the last. Life doesn’t always come with warnings. One day you’re bringing flowers and awkwardly worded cards, and the next, the seat at the table is empty. There’s an ache in your chest, and you wish you had said more, done more, asked more.

For others, the last Mother’s Day doesn’t arrive quietly. It builds slowly, with a kind of dread. Not because of loss, but because of harm. Because the woman who gave birth to you doesn’t feel safe. Because honouring her feels dishonest, painful—even harmful.

And yet, on that day, we’re expected to smile, to entertain, to act as though she’s the greatest woman on earth.

When Honouring Feels Like a Lie

But what if she wasn’t?

What if she hurt you more than she held you?

What if being around her drains every ounce of your strength and makes you forget who you are?

That’s when the last Mother’s Day becomes something else entirely.

It becomes a choice.

And that’s what makes it powerful.

For the first time, you get to ask:

Do I want to spend this day with the woman who gave me life? Or do I want to protect the life I’ve built in spite of her?

That choice is not easy. It comes with guilt, with judgment from others, and sometimes with a lingering grief for the mother you wish you had.

But it also comes with truth.

Choosing Peace Over Performance

You get to choose peace.

You get to choose distance.

You get to say:

This day is sacred, and I will no longer perform love for someone who has harmed me.

That doesn’t make you cold. It doesn’t make you cruel.

It makes you whole.

It makes you brave.

So whether you spend Mother’s Day at her side, across the country, or surrounded by the people who feel like family—you get to decide.

Maybe the last Mother’s Day isn’t about her at all.

Maybe it’s about you—choosing yourself, your sanity, your healing.

Maybe that’s the most sacred act of all.

Honouring Your Truth

Mother’s Day doesn’t look the same for everyone, and it’s time we stop pretending it should. For some, it’s a joyful celebration. For others, it’s a quiet reckoning. And for many, it’s something in between.

Whatever this day brings up for you—grief, relief, love, loss, confusion—you’re allowed to feel it fully. You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to explain. You just have to honour the truth of your experience.

That, too, is an act of love.

A note for you and a reminder for myself-

If this piece resonated with you, please know you’re not alone. Mother’s Day can stir up complicated emotions—grief, guilt, anger, even relief—and all of those feelings are valid. Whether your relationship with your mother is loving, painful, or somewhere in between, your experience matters.

You’re allowed to protect your peace, honour your truth, and give yourself the care you may never have received.

If you’re navigating this day with a heavy heart, I see you. I’m walking it too.

She Denied Me Food, Love, and Truth – And Still Claimed She Was a Good Mother

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

There are some days etched into your memory so deeply that you feel them pulse with every breath you take. For me, it was the day of my daughter’s 10th birthday—a milestone that should have been filled with joy, love, laughter. Instead, it became the day I shattered a lifetime of silence and paid the price for seeking truth from a mother who never saw me as her daughter, only her mistake.

I thought maybe, just maybe, this would be the right moment to try again. To offer peace. To fight for understanding. After all, she was in a hospital bed, vulnerable and confronting her mortality. If there was ever a moment for redemption, surely this was it.

But I was wrong. So painfully, achingly wrong.

The Slow Build of a Lifetime of Hurt

In the weeks leading up to that day, I had gently—so gently—tried to talk to her about the differences in how she treated me and my brother. I wasn’t attacking. I wasn’t blaming. I was pleading. Trying to open a door that had always been slammed shut in my face.

My brother—the golden child. The sun she orbits. The one she can never seem to do wrong by. She loves him so much she even extends that unconditional warmth to a girlfriend she’s never even met.

And me?

I don’t remember being loved. I don’t remember being wanted. I don’t remember being enough.

I think she hated me from the moment I was born. Maybe even before that.

Today, She Couldn’t Walk—and I Couldn’t Stay Silent

Today was also the day she realized she couldn’t walk anymore. She’d been pretending to the medical staff that she could—swearing she was walking in secret like it was some twisted game. Delirious, yes. But manipulative? Even more so. She’s spent a lifetime crafting illusions and bending reality to serve her. She’s a master of deceit. And I was tired of being the student of her cruelty.

The final crack in the dam came when she proudly told me she had just given my brother $250—for groceries.

That was it.

I told her I wished I had even a fraction of that kindness. I told her I wished she had ever seen me as her daughter the way she sees him as her son. I asked her the question I’ve carried for decades:

“What’s the difference between me and him? Is it because I was born with a vagina?”

She didn’t answer. Not really. She didn’t have to.

A Starving Daughter, A Favoured Son

When I lived at home, I paid rent. And the groceries I bought for myself? Fed to her five dogs.

Yes, you read that right. I would buy food with my own money, and she would feed it to the dogs. Sometimes, my grandmother would wait until I made a meal and then demand half—only to give it to the dogs, right in front of me, as if my hunger was a joke.

I was pregnant once, starving, not allowed to leave my room because my mother was home and in a fury. I went the entire day without food, growing life inside me while starving, while they all feasted.

Meanwhile, my brother? A grown man with a full-time job. She gives him money for food. Pays for him and his girlfriend to go to the nail salon. Funds their weekends away. Offers him the luxury of love I’ve never tasted.

I Asked Her Why—and She Hung Up

I asked her why. Why she hated me. Why she couldn’t love me. What was wrong with me.

She claimed she never treated me badly. Denied everything. Even when I listed the moments of pain like beads on a rosary, she insisted she treated me “well.”

And then she said something that broke me even more than I thought possible:

“We can’t be friends if you keep asking these questions.”

As if we were ever friends.

And then—she hung up.

I Don’t Regret Speaking My Truth—Even If It Cost Me a Mother

Maybe my daughter’s birthday wasn’t the right day. Or maybe it was. Because watching her turn ten, watching her feel seen and celebrated, reminded me exactly what I never had—and what I will fight like hell to give her.

I chose truth over silence. I chose healing over pretending. I chose to stop begging for a love that was never mine to begin with.

And maybe that’s the most painful kind of freedom.