Month: November 2024

He Made Me Give Birth As Though I Were A Prisoner Of War

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

During the birth of my son, the doctor told me that he wasn’t going to allow me to have any pain relief until I told him how I planned on proceeding with birth control.

He said that he needed me to feel the pain of birth because he believed that after the birth I would forget how much pain I was in and choose to have more children.

I asked him if he could guarantee the life of the baby that I was about to birth – if he could promise me that I wasn’t going to give birth to a stillborn – especially given the fact that I was birthing whilst COVID-19 positive. He said this was beside the point.

I was COVID-19 positive, I could hardly breathe, in labour and having a man use pain as a means of coercing me to give him the answer he so desperately wanted to hear. He did not stop badgering me until I told him that my husband had a vasectomy – at which point, he shook my husband‘s hand and congratulated him!

Of course I understand that most people would share this doctors sentiments on the number of children a person has. But what if one day this same doctor’s belief changes from the number of children I have as being “too many”, to the concept of “one and done”…

What if one day a mother is in the midst of having her second child and because this doctor has been able to successfully get away with torturing women during birth he pushes his beliefs even further and tortures mothers as he deems necessary.

I’m sure a lot of people would appreciate or at least claim to understand his barbaric treatment of me, especially when considering the number of baby that I was birthing – however, using pain as a method of coercing someone to give you answers is against basic human rights.

I am beyond grateful that I got to walk away with a living, breathing baby. And I have always held the belief that pain relief is only a luxury. But when it’s withheld, when pain is used as a means of coercion then it places pregnant women at the mercy of terrorists and that is deeply troubling.

I feel peace that I was able to decline an epidural – but what if I genuinely needed one? What if I was relying on one? And as it stood, he thought he was holding out on something that he believed I wanted.

It took me a long time to share this because I know that society does not approve of big families – but it’s important to keep in mind that everyone is different, and what if one day a doctor comes along who’s core belief is that three children are too many or two children are too many… how would you feel if this happened to you…

What this doctor did was torture. Modern day torture.

My advice – never expect anything out of pregnancy – not pain relief, not walking away from hospital with a baby, nothing. That way you’re never going to be disappointed!

Congratulations? I Think Not!

~ Rochelle ~ Leave a comment

Do people with more than one child honestly deserve to be congratulated on their subsequent pregnancy news?

I mean obviously they are seeking attention and fishing to be congratulated the moment they share their pregnancy news – but what makes them deserving of being wished especially after they have already produced an offspring?

Let’s face it – the first time is often a surprise. A pregnancy announcement can be a sign that both partners in a relationship have healthy reproductive systems – great, congratulations on that. You both knew what you wanted, and how to achieve it and you did – so good job on you both.

At the end of the day, we all know what causes pregnancy. It isn’t a surprise. Even if it is an unexpected or unplanned pregnancy – it isn’t hard to extend the obligatory “congratulations” when met with a pregnancy announcement… I mean as long as it’s the first of its kind.

Yay, you wanted to be child-free, but got caught off guard unexpectedly because things didn’t go to plan and you ended up catching feels, which lead to continuing on with the pregnancy… congratulations (especially because I am genuinely surprised).

Same sex couple? Single mother that found the perfect donor? Successful surrogacy? IVF procedure that worked? Congratulations!

Here’s where it gets a little too much though – how many times do you expect to be congratulated?

Unless there are truly extenuating circumstances – for example, if you were producing children by multiple partners – where it’s an ‘unknown’ whether you and your new person would be successful in reproducing – do you honestly deserve to have any subsequent pregnancy offered any sort of ‘congratulations’?

I don’t believe you do!

You’re following the same formula you did the first time – and you’re getting the same results. Big deal!

Let’s face it – if it were baby number four onwards people wouldn’t congratulate the expectant parents – so why do we waste our breath on anything after the first?!

It’s ridiculous!

Can you imagine that? Can you picture how awful it sounds not to congratulate someone simply because they already have a child?

This is EXACTLY what people do once they feel a family has ‘too many kids’. The element of surprise is completely lost and because a subsequent pregnancy is almost EXPECTED – no one feels the joy of congratulating those expectant parents – because somehow that pregnancy does not deserve it.

It’s actually really sad, but true.

Once you’ve reached the limit of children society has placed on mankind, the word “congratulations” is suddenly replaced by the most snidest remarks and cruel jokes. 

Basic human decency is replaced with ridicule.  And large families tolerate the bad behaviour. Unfortunately some may choose not to disclose their marvellous pregnancy news due to horrendous past experiences with others – but at the end of the day do they really need to hear your ‘congratulations’ – your ‘approval’?

Does anyone need to hear fake words of support? And if you aren’t going to be caring for that baby in any way – does your opinion even matter?!

The truth is, it doesn’t. You don’t actually matter in the life of that family – of that baby. You are just as meaningless as your empty words, or lack there of. So “congratulations” or not – you don’t actually matter. And although every new life truly does deserve to be celebrated and congratulated, at the end of the day that beautiful soul will thrive, with or without your well wishes.